看老番如何辨別中國人的88種方法

玲珑姑娘

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不好意思, 小朋友發給我的時候是英文的，大家應該都看的懂吧？

(88 Ways to Know If You're Chinese)

1. You look like you are 18.
2. You like to eat chicken feet.
3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror.
5. You sing karaoke.
6. Your house is covered with tile.
7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease.
8. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control.
10. You've never kissed your mom or dad.

11. You've never hugged your mom or dad.
12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
14. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
16. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
17. You love to use coupons.
18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol.
19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.
20. You take showers at night.

21. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
22. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male.
24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
25. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
26. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can reuse the paper.
29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
30. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.

That's why you need the vinyl tablecloth.
32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.
33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
34. You have never used your dishwasher.
35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
36. You eat all meals in the kitchen.
37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
38. You have a piano in your living room.
39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).
40. You twirl your pen around your fingers.

41. You hate to waste food.
42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or

one leftover chicken wing.
43. You don't own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of

used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers,

and jam jars.
44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles

that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel

(travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

These snacks are always dried and include dried plums,

mango, ginger, and squid.
47. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
48. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
49. The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys.

50. You don't use measuring cups.

51. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
52. You have a teacup with a cover on it.
53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book,

since calling information (*69) costs 50 cents.
54. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if

you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth.
56. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
57. You love Chinese Martial Arts films.
58. You've learnt some form of martial arts.
59. Shaolin actually means something to you.
60. You like congee with thousand-year-old eggs.

61. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
62. You never call your parents just to say hi.
63. If you don't live at home, when your parents call,

they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.
64. When you're sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods

or baked goods due to yeet hay.
65. You know what yeet hay is.
66. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only 10 feet apart.
67. You use a face cloth.
68. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places.
69. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
70. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though

you're never going to use them again.

71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.
73. You know what moon cakes are.
74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store

them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.
75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
76. You iron your own shirts.
77. You play a musical instrument.
78. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to

throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
79. You've eaten a red bean popsicle.
80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift

when you visit people's homes.

81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
82. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.
83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old

(and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and

30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents,

or at least in the same neighborhood.
84. You don't tip more than 10% at a restaurant, and if you do,

you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't

eat the last piece of food on the table.

87. You know why there are 88 reasons.
88. You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends.

悠閑一族

哈哈哈......想必這是竹升(土生土長的華人)的杰作。它好詳細地反影出我地中國人的傳統生活習慣，雖然有的需要檢討下，但節儉美德值得贊賞。老實講，呢86條中有好多條我都做緊。

BigPaul

玲珑姑娘 发表于：2008-7-13 4:21:39

fficeffice\" /> 不好意思, 小朋友發給我的時候是英文的，大家應該都看的懂吧？ (88 Ways to Know If You're Chinese) 1. You look like you are 18. 貌似十八 2. You like to eat chicken feet. 喜吃鸡腳 3. You suck on fish heads and fish fins. 爱吮魚頭 4. You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror. 車上倒后鏡掛个唐人玩艺兒(铃铃馇馇之类) 5. You sing karaoke. 会唱卡柆OK 6. Your house is covered with tile. 房子镶瓷片 7. Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease. 厨房有层粘呼呼的油渍 8. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil. 炉面用锡纸覆盖 9. You leave the plastic covers on your remote control. 遥控器仍留着塑料包裏物 10. You've never kissed your mom or dad. 从未主動吻過父母 11. You've never hugged your mom or dad. 从未主動拥抱過父母 12. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500. 不用任何助視物，肉眼視力差于20/500 (即中國的 0.1) 13. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your \"coke bottle glasses\". 戴隐形眼镜，取代\"樽底甘厚\"的眼镜 14. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade. 五年级开始戴眼镜直至今日 15. Your hair sticks up when you wake up. 早上起来，头发总是直竖着的 16. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable. 总要在些没谈判空间的事情上纠缠 17. You love to use coupons. 总爱用折扣卷 18. You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol. 会开車周围去找最便宜的汽油 19. You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space. 肯花几个钟找停車位 20. You take showers at night. 晩上洗澡 21. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms. 酒店房间里收費零食，不会碰 22. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room. 不介意与20人挤在一个汽車祣馆房间过夜 23. Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male. 若是男生，会发現大部分女生的體毛都比你的茂密 24. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you. 别人给你倒茶，你用指頭軽敲桌子 25. You say \"Aiya!\" and \"Wah!\" frequently. 常说 \"哎吔!\"和 \"哇!\" 26. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable. 不掛安生带，嫌之卡住西 27. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack. 中意拉斯维加斯，老虎机，廿一點 28. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can reuse the paper. 小心翼翼开启圣誕礼物，以便再利用那包裏纸 29. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off. 過了圣誕才买圣誕卡，因为可有五折。 30. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table. 厨房餐桌用胶枱布 31. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. That's why you need the vinyl tablecloth. 骨頭及其他食物渣吐在枱面，這就是为什么非胶枱布不可 32. You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time. 雪柜里装有盘古开天地时就买了的食物 33. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack. 洗碗机作碗柜用 34. You have never used your dishwasher. 从未使用洗碗机洗碗. 35. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times. 将热水温控设在总会有热水的位置上 36. You eat all meals in the kitchen. 所有的餐都在厨房吃 37. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. 将购物(胶)袋，锡纸踢罐等留着以后再用 38. You have a piano in your living room. 厅里有座钢琴 39. You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth). (用手遮住个口)餐枱旁牙鉴了牙 40. You twirl your pen around your fingers. 用手指将手上的笔扭来拧去 41. You hate to waste food. 憎恶浪費食物 42. You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing. 冰箱里存放着吃剰的三口饭和只鸡翼 43. You don't own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars. 没有真正饭盒，只是洗干净再使用的外卖盒 44. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses. 用果浆瓶作喝水杯 45. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel. 收集所住酒店的小瓶洗头水 46. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid. 外岀时总备有大堆零食(超15分钟车程即算外出),零食包括话梅，芒果干，姜乸干，鱿魚丝等 47. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it. 煑饭前洗米2-3遍 48. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself. 老爸总覚得他什么都会修 49. The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys. 本田車上小小面板摆满数以百计小玩偶 50. You don't use measuring cups. 不用量杯 51. You beat eggs with chopsticks. 用筷子打蛋 (台山话之 fock蛋) 52. You have a teacup with a cover on it. 有一个带盖的杯 53. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information (*69) costs 50 cents. 总是从電话李里查找號码，因为查询台(*69)收費50仙。 54. You only make long distance calls after 11pm. 11点后才打长途 55. If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth. 男生好笑时会开怀大笑，女生则会用手遮住个嘴偷偷地笑 56. You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions. 爱看原版中文电影 57. You love Chinese Martial Arts films. 爱看功夫武术片 58. You've learnt some form of martial arts. 曾学过功夫(吃过夜粥) 59. Shaolin actually means something to you. 少林這名对你来说，并非空洞名词 60. You like congee with thousand-year-old eggs. 你爰吃用千年老蛋煑的粥 (皮蛋粥) 61. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached. 你中意有头有脚虾多D 62. You never call your parents just to say hi. 从不给父母打通电话来说声问好 63. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight. 父母电话来，他们总会问你吃过饭沒，那怕电话是在半夜时打来的 64. When you're sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods due to yeet hay. 病了，爸妈会告诉你别吃炒煎焗食物，因为热气。。。 65. You know what yeet hay is. 你知什么是热气 66. You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only 10 feet apart. 你用e-mail(E猫)与唐人同事联络，尽管你们只离10尺之遥 67. You use a face cloth. 你用面巾 68. You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places. 在去所有任吃的餐会之前，你会先节食饿下自已 69. You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics. 你识得人帮自己打折头买珠宝电器等 70. You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again. 尽管你不再用，你仍留着可乐瓶 71. You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it. 你拥有自己的切肉刀 ，并保持锋利 72. Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin. 你的牙膏总会被挤得干干净净象纸般簿才舍得扔掉 73. You know what moon cakes are. 知道什么是月饼 74. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out. 厕纸减价，你会买上100卷， 存起来 75. Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles. 你爸妈知道怎样用鼻子发射。。。物件。 76. You iron your own shirts. 你自已 熨衫 77. You play a musical instrument. 你会玩乐器 78. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. 尽管你己经很饱，但别人说要倒掉吃净食物时，你就把它们都吃光。 79. You've eaten a red bean popsicle. 曾吃过红豆雪条 80. You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people's homes. 带橙或其他水果作礼物去探访别人 81. You fight over who pays the dinner bill. 争着付帐 82. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law. 你主修象工程，医学或法律等科目。 83. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood. 到了而立之年(30岁)，还与父母同住。或者住隔壁或住同一小区 84. You don't tip more than 10% at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more. 你上餐馆付不超过10%小费，就算超过10%，所付小费都比付唐餐送外卖的少。 85. You have acquired a taste for bitter melon. 吃苦瓜 86. You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table. 你吃净自己碗中每粒饭，却不吃枱面盘中最后一条莱 87. You know why there are 88 reasons. 你明白怎解要88个理由 88. You see the truth in this and then send it to all your Chinese friends.

［此帖子已被 BigPaul 在 2008-7-13 11:10:58 编辑过］

上官婉儿

玲珑姐姐又来一篇鸡肠，幸好有个Big Paul老猪哥做翻译机,

多谢。

BigPaul

悠閑一族 发表于：2008-7-13 6:59:54

哈哈哈......想必這是竹升(土生土長的華人)的杰作。它好詳細地反影出我地中國人的傳統生活習慣，雖然有的需要檢討下，但節儉美德值得贊賞。老實講，呢86條中有好多條我都做緊。

這是西式幽默，不必以負面态度去解读。我同竹升Ray一齐看，他笑到滚地。

玲珑姑娘

多谢老猪给上文做了贴切的翻译，严重欣赏！

我家竹升读过之后也鼓励我帖上来,与大家分享,

其实现实生活中我们也会如此选择，始终是华人,

我认同有些做法。

宪兵队长

此文非常贴切地反映出华人的心态。顶！

lonely

Adding a few more:

You know what \"maj jong\" means, and play all night with friends.

You get \"red envelops\" in special occasions.

If you're female, you always go to bathroom with others.

上官婉儿

我也学lonely补充一点：

在巴士上大聲聊天的大部分是我們同胞。

疾风

you never line up.
you always think white peoples are stupid
you hate the inefficient of this country
you pick your nose(and teeth)by finger nail in front of people
you... ai,too much！