笑话连篇

hw79

中国人美国人犹太人一起喝饮料，三只苍蝇飞入他们饮料中.美国人重要了一杯，中国人没理会就喝下，犹太人一把抓出苍蝇大喊道：吐出来！你丫把喝下去的饮料吐出来！

Blink

　　　法官：“你可知道重婚的报应吗？” 　　犯人：“知道。有两个丈母娘。”

Blink

Subject: Canadian Citizenship Application An immigrant from China is applying for citizenship in Canada. He is to be interviewed by a Canadian immigration officer. He does not speak English well and knows nothing about Canada. Therefore, he invited a special translator to help him in his interview. Officer: Do you know who was the first Prime Minister of Canada? Translator: ( in Cantonese) The officer asked you, Where do you usually go if you want to eat hamburger? Man: (answered to the officer) Oh..... McDonald (the first minister of Canada is Sir John MacDonald.) The officer nodded his head and then asked the second question. Officer: Could you tell me which province you're living in now? Translator: (in Cantonese) The officer just asked you, What is the dirtiest thing in your nose? Man: (replied to the officer in Cantonese) Ah..... Bay See (which means nose dirt in Chinese) (The man lives in the province of British Columbia, commonly known as B.C.) The officer added a current affair question, "Who is the prime minister of Canada now?" The translator speaks in Chinese, "What's that part of the face below your lips and above your neck?" Man replied "Har Per". (which means chin in Chinese) (The current prime minister of Canada is Prime Minister Stephen Harper) The officer nodded his head again and asked the final question. Officer: Do you know what your privilege is when you become Canadian? Translator: (in Cantonese) The officer asked you, How does a dog sounds like when it barks? Man: (demonstrated the sound to the officer)... Woe, Woe. (Vote, Vote. One of the privileges of a Canadian is the right to vote.) The officer told the man that all the questions were answered correctly, shook hands with him and congratulated him that he had passed the interview to be a Canadian citizen.

hw79

今天和老婆出门，她在地铁里累了就双手挂我脖子上休息。忽然间手机响了，我拿出来一看，瞬间抽筋。短信内容：“报告大哥！在地铁发现嫂子，和一个穿得委琐的傻X男人抱一起！！怎么办？？”我苦逼的四周望了望，用眼神和中指KO了给我发短信的那位兄弟。

Blink

这天，县长到精神病医院去检查工作。他忽然想起一件事情，就拿起医院的电话通知县政府的工作人员。可是医院的总机不给他接外线，县长只好对接线员说：“我是县长，有重要工作要谈。” 　　接线员不耐烦地说：“你是县长？刚才美国总统和英国首相要往外打电话，我都没理睬他们，你一个县长算个啥，好好在病房呆着吧！”

tinyapple

引用第1231楼Blink于2011-07-04 11:04发表的 Re:FW: 笑话连篇 : 　法官：“你可知道重婚的报应吗？” 　　犯人：“知道。有两个丈母娘。”

两个丈母娘, 看得女婿口水流成河啰.

hw79

引用第1235楼tinyapple于2011-07-06 13:25发表的 Re:Re:FW: 笑话连篇 : 两个丈母娘, 看得女婿口水流成河啰.

如果两个家婆呢？

hw79

一天,金庸补习班的杨过同学没交作业,班主任郭靖问他为什么没交. 杨过回答说：“为什么要交作业？ 交了又不一定是自己写的,(老是拿兄弟名号招摇撞骗的裘千丈开始不安), 写了又不一定会,(不小心破了珍珑棋局的虚竹不好意思的看了逍遥子一眼), 会了又不一定考,(苦心准备当盟主的左冷禅背后响起闷雷), 考了又不一定会过,(白眉鹰王身边秋风吹过阵阵凄凉的落叶), 过了又不一定能毕业,(被古墓派退学的李莫愁脸色一变), 毕业又不一定找得到工作,(乐天的令狐冲酒醉中,没听见), 找得到工作又不一定保得住工作,(萧峰夺门而出), 保得住工作又不一定找得到老婆,(不戒大师跳了起来), 找得到老婆又不一定生得出孩子,(东方不败和杨莲亭默默不语), 生了孩子又不一定是 自 己的,(段正淳的脸开始抽筋), 是自己的又不一定养得活,(叶二娘,归二娘都忍不住哭了起来), 养得活又不一定长得大,(天山童姥开始做生死符,准备修理人), 长得大又不一定孝顺,(石清和闵柔同时心中一痛), 会孝顺又不一定用功念书(韦小宝冷冷地看着杨过), 会用功又不一定考得上(郭靖脸上一红), 考得上又不一定会去念(明教的张无忌甸甸地不说话), 念了也不知道念什么(老实的石破天露出不好意思的笑容), 所以啊....干嘛要交作业?”

hw79

小雷带着一个来找他的高中同学参观大学宿舍，他指着路左边的宿舍楼群说：“这是女生宿舍区，叫织女星系。”指着路右边的宿舍楼群说：“那是男生宿舍区，叫牛郎星系。”又指着脚下的路说：“这条路叫银河路。” 这时，主管学生宿舍的女干部面无表情地经过，小雷悄悄地说：“这位是王母娘娘。”

tinyapple

引用第1236楼hw79于2011-07-07 04:27发表的 Re:Re:Re:FW: 笑话连篇 : 如果两个家婆呢？

战亊天天新, 人倒不闷, 但气不顺. 那本难念的经被翻开, 一发不可收拾.