笑话连篇

Blink

引用第1077楼加减乘除于2011-03-25 11:58发表的 回 1076楼(hw79) 的帖子 : 請大家不要擔心日本核電站的輻射。這麽多年來，我們吃地溝油、化學火鍋、三聚氰胺奶粉、毒大米，皮革奶是爲了什麽呀？ 就是爲了在下一場生化戰爭中活下來。我們贏在了起跑線上！不要害怕，不要擔心，就當一場日光浴好了。況且，我們來到這個世上，就沒打算活著回去！ 有人咋呼說擔心核輻射，嚷嚷著要吃碘，我看沒必要閑吃蘿蔔淡操心，敵敵畏蘇丹紅三聚氰胺你身體裏哪一樣沒有？把你劈碎了攤地上就是一張元素周期表，還吃什麽碘 。

哈！不愧是加减乘除！

Blink

謝謝hw79! 見到Blink兄弟 的好友了嗎？！

加减乘除

" Blink " often reminds me of the joke below,

Whats the fastest thing? An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man. "Hmm....let me see. A BLINK ! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of.." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye ... that's a very popular cliche for speed." He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said. Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. The last man replied, "After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh I can explain," said the fourth man. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already crapped my pants!

Blink

引用第1082楼加减乘除于2011-03-27 11:56发表的 Re:FW: 笑话连篇 :

" Blink " often reminds me of the joke below,

Whats the fastest thing? An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. .......

This is hilarious......ha ha

Blink

公司要从新人中选拔一位部门主任，派到山西去任职。经理通知说：“按总公司要求，下月中旬开始外语培训，外语能力将作为选拔的重要依据。” 　　我听了非常兴奋，晚上把《新概念英语》之类的书都翻出来，外语是我的强项，我还参加过外语演讲大赛呢！这下赢定了。 　　昨天晚上，外语培训终于开课了。一位专业教师站在讲台前，说：“咱们公司网点遍布全国，为体现亲和力，更好地服务当地顾客，‘本地化’培训是非常必要的。”然后，他嗓音一变，用满口的山西话说：“今天这节课就由我来讲，教大家学说山西话……”

加减乘除

我虽然不懂山西话，好歹也懂几国的英文。算不算？

Blink

引用第1085楼加减乘除于2011-03-27 12:46发表的 Re:FW: 笑话连篇 : 我虽然不懂山西话，好歹也懂几国的英文。算不算？

嘩，几國癲文？ 開班授徒啦。

hw79

引用第1081楼Blink于2011-03-26 10:27发表的 Re:FW: 笑话连篇 : 謝謝hw79! 見到Blink兄弟 的好友了嗎？！

見到Blink 好兄弟了!!!

hw79

1、妻子：以前你经常送我玫瑰花，为什么现在一朵都不送了？ 丈夫：你见过渔夫钓到鱼后还喂它鱼饵吗？ 妻子：喂！你难道没养过金鱼吗？ 丈夫：养过啊，太费精神，后来喂猫了。 2、女子问：“你条件这么好，为啥以前没找到女友？” 男子解释道：“因为我以前的眼光太高了。” 女子沾沾自喜：“那这么来说，我很荣幸做你的女朋友了！” 男子忙说：“不，不，主要是我现在把眼光降低了。” 3、女：“我需要一个男友。” 男：“我帮你找，我宿舍有个兄弟还不错。” 女：“我跟他在一起，你不会心疼吗？” 男：“微博看多了吧？我跟他没什么的，你放心好了。” 4、小个子男人被老婆打得藏在桌子下面，恰巧邻居来串门！男人羞愧难当，急中生智！对老婆吼道：“你这婆娘，非要我扛桌子，我哪扛得动？！” 5、老婆怀孕了，问丈夫男孩好还是女孩好？ 丈夫无奈地放下抹布：“女孩好，做女孩时全无烦恼；做女朋友时可以无理取闹；做老婆可以很刁，哎做女人真好！”

Blink

凌晨4点下班，开副总的路虎回家，半路下车买烟，买完发现全身只剩11块。上车后看见燃油续航显示还能跑41公里。心里一惊，打开GPS，结果精确的显示到家要42公里。路过加油站，十分犹豫要不要加上10块的油。保险期间还是进去了。 　　“加多少？” 　　“10块。” 　　“多少？” 　　“10块。” 　　“要加多少？” 　　“10块。” 　　“哦。” 　　然后我直接泪奔了，小伙计轻车熟路，噌的就给我加了一百。掏出手机求援，刚接通就没电了。再次泪奔。唯一记得公司前台电话，于是用加油站座机打。一个保安接电话，问他身上有多少钱，回答只有120，我说够了赶紧给我送过来。于是那个NB打车过来，车费38。持续泪奔。电话到财务，还好出纳没走。半小时后出纳来，用包扎的整齐是营业款交了钱。顿时感觉有钱真幸福。 　　于是幸福的送出纳回了家，送保安回了公司。兜完圈子后又路过加油站，还愤愤的扭头BS了好几眼。结果回过头来我又泪奔了。 　　燃料续航显示：可行驶里程：41公里。我怀着悲愤的心情又开进了加油站。 　　小伙计幽幽的看着我：“大哥，加10块还是100？”